Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
