just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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