I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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