I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
