Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
