toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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