I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
