just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
It was confusing and full of hummus
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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