Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
