You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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