He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
