"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
