I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm passing your future prison.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
