Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
