We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
