question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
