she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
