2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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