she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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