What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
