lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
