it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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