She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
