dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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