She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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