How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
