Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
We named our party play list daddy issues
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
