I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize