I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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