there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
