You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
