I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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