I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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