it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
