You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
