Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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