dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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