I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
