while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
