Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just want to make out with him forever
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
