I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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