Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
