I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
