I would go down on you faster than GM stock
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
