I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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