god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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