Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
