remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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