I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
