The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
