i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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