listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
