if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
