This house was built for laser tag.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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