Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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