these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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