why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
