Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
