Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
