I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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