i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
as a side note pls kill me
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize