I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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