Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
